Hot Dog!

Teachers usually begin the school day by putting out fires.  Students come off the bus and realize that something has been left at home.  This can be caused by forgetfulness or, more commonly, because the student had to rush out of the door because the bus was honking the horn and in their haste they forgot their homework or worse yet, their lunch.  The usual “good mornings” are dispensed with, and students get right down to business:

“I forgot my schoolbag!  Can I call my mom?”
 

“I forgot my project on the kitchen table!”
 

“I forgot my lunch!” 

I am generally understanding in this area as I have experienced first hand how frantic school mornings can be.  I had my fair share of rushed mornings, but I never made a habit of rushing around in the morning.  My sisters Alison and Becky on the other hand made a science of rushing around in the morning like two whirling dervishes.  Alison has shown me in particular, that when the bus is coming and you are not ready, homework is the last thing on your mind.

Practical jokes were a big part of our lives growing up.  Alison and I especially had an unofficial contest going to see who could pull off the best prank.  We became quite covert and clever – not to mention suspicious and paranoid.
 

I came home one day to find Alison sitting in the lazy-boy chair reading a Ted Dekker book with a funny little smirk on her face.  Her eyes furtively glanced up as I headed down the hallway to my bedroom.  I opened the door to my room and flipped on the light.  Suddenly the ceiling fan kicked into full gear and began to throw pennies everywhere.  I hit the dirt as these copper projectiles were thrown all over the room.  Alison had carefully placed hundreds of pennies on top of the ceiling fan blades and had set the ceiling fan on high.  When I walked back into the living room, Alison was still in the lazy-boy, but her smirk had blossomed into a full blown smile as she pretended to read.

I was not to be outdone though.  I racked my brain to find a way to pull a sneakier and better prank.  The next morning I found her Achilles heel – her frantic morning routine.  That night I found some hot dog buns and squished them into the toes of her shoes.  I knew that Alison and Becky always spent a lot of time in front of the mirror before school which meant that they were always sprinting to the bus stop.  

The next morning came, and I parked myself down on the lazy-boy and pretended to study.  I had a perfect vantage point of the front door where her shoes were waiting.  The far off sound of the school bus grew louder as it came nearer to the house.  The girls were in full panic mode as they desperately tried to get ready.  The finishing touches to the hair and make-up were made as Mom frantically urged the girls to get outside.  I felt my smirk grow into a grin as Alison reached for her shoes.  By this time the bus had pulled up and had sent out a warning honk.  Becky flew through the door in a blur while Alison tried to slip on her shoes.  
 

Her feet would not slip into her shoes though no matter how hard she tried to jam her feet in.  She reached inside one of her shoes and felt the hot dog bun.  The bus driver by this point was honking “hurry up” in Morse code.  Alison was like a frantic animal.  She stuffed her feet as best she could into her hot dog bun filled shoes and ran for the bus.  It wasn’t until she got to school that she could finally claw the hot dog buns out of her shoes. 

 It can easily be said that schoolwork was the last thing on Alison’s mind that morning. Alison would have had a good excuse for forgetting her homework on the kitchen table, though I doubt many teachers would have believed her.

Goodnight boys...

I love a good practical joke – just ask my students. After playing a little joke on my students a couple of weeks ago, one of the students protested that “No fair – it’s not even April Fool’s Day yet!”

We were brought up with practical jokes at home, which is probably why I am always on the lookout for an opportunity to pull a fast one in the classroom. It was my Dad that introduced us kids to practical jokes many years ago.

23 years ago (pretend you hear the strumming of a harp)

“Goodnight boys!” he called, “and no talking!” Dad shut off the light and closed the door to our bedroom. I was about five years old (and very adorable) and I shared a bedroom with my two older brothers, Derek and Scott. I snuggled into my pillow as I heard Derek and Scott start to fight from across the room. Suddenly their quarrel ended.

“Hey – something wet just touched my foot!” Derek hissed.

“Yeah right Derek, you probably just – hey! Something just touched my foot too!” Scott stammered.

“I told you Scott! It’s probably a flippin’ raccoon licking our feet.” said Derek.

“What? You think so?” said Scott nervously. I could hear him gulp.

This was why I tucked my blankets in very tightly. I started drifting off again – secure in the knowledge that a raccoon couldn’t get past my tucked in blankets. Just as my adorable eyelids began to droop, I suddenly felt my bed move! Now I was wide awake.

“Hey guys!” I urgently called, “Something just moved my bed!”

“Yeah right Greg!” called Derek. “Like something would move your bed – raccoon’s can’t move a bed!”

He was probably right. I snuggled into my pillow again. The silence was broken by giggling that sounded suspiciously human. I was pretty sure raccoons did not giggle.

Dad crawled out from under the bed and turned on the light. He was laughing hysterically by this point. Even though we did not like being the butt end of a joke, we were relieved that there were no raccoons in the room. Rabies is no laughing matter. After he had stopped laughing he told us what he had done. As he was walking out of the room, he had turned off the light then shut the door. However, he had never left the room. The “licking raccoon” was the water from the humidifier.

As Dad left the room, I heard Mom say “Real smart Ralph, those kids will never get to sleep now.”

Being too hyper to sleep, Derek and Scott engaged in hitting each other with their stuffed Curious George monkeys, while I fell into a fitful sleep with my teddy and glow-worm dreaming that someday, I too, would be able to pull off a good practical joke.